She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
