Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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