That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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