Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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