if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
