I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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