im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
