i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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