I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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