I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
