just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
you made out with another girl for some wings
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
