u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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