I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
bring money and cleavage
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
