you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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