i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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