dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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