Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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