We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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