kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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