is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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