I accidentally had phone sex last night
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
