I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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