i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
