it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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