she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She even gives head with a lisp.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
