She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
