so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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