I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
