If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
