Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
