I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
