If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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