I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
