lets start a swedish sibling band together
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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