Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
