I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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