i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
