Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
