I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
