"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
