Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Do you remember whose house we're in?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
