She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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