dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
