like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
