I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
