Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
