I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
