I think im going to throw up on grandma
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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