Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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