Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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