My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
