apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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