dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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